Perfect Star
by Meemster
Summary: When a distressed Emily knocks on Gillian's door on a Saturday night, how will Gillian handle it? And how will she deal with a very irate Cal who quickly follows?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: ok, so Lie to Me has become my new obsession! This story was inspired by a certain photo of the beautiful Kelli Williams I stumbled across! All will be revealed in future chapters!**

**Disclaimer: Lie to Me and all related characters are the property of Fox, no copyright infringement intended.**

**If the show belonged to me, Honey wouldn't have ended when it did!!**

**Please r and r!**

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**Perfect Star - Part 1.**

Feeling a huge sense of self-satisfaction, Doctor Gillian Foster took a step back and cast a critical eye over the fruits of her labour. Finally she could say she had completely unpacked all of the remnants of her previous life – all of the ones she wanted to keep anyway!

This box had been the last, and the hardest, and the one she had been putting off for weeks. This box had contained all the personal 'souvenirs' of her marriage, Christmas cards, birthday cards, Valentine's Day cards, photos, letters, and all the 'little' gifts Alec had given her during their ten year relationship. She had been dreading it and had started the day in a sad but determined mood. However, after carefully choosing some up-beat music to accompany her work and focusing on her future, Gillian had found the process to actually be quite therapeutic and liberating.

She had been ruthless, refusing to allow herself to become emotional or sentimental, and the quiet satisfaction of feeding previously treasured mementoes into the shredder had actually brought a small smile of victory to her face. She was free, finally, to be herself, no longer restricted by the constant anxiety of worrying that her husband was going to fall back into old habits. It wasn't her concern anymore.

Gillian had kept a few things of course, a couple of photos of their honeymoon, her wedding album, a couple of other reminders of how happy she and Alec had once been; but these were now tucked away in a small box on the top shelf of her hall closet. Out of sight, out of mind she thought to herself as she collapsed the large cardboard box that had previously housed the contents of her afternoon's work.

Carrying the box to the front door, Gillian then took a few minutes to straighten up around her still new home. She really loved this place, it was warm and cosy, friendly and inviting, but most importantly it was hers, just hers. She felt safe here and looked forward to the new memories her home would create for her.

Finally finished, Gillian suddenly realised how hungry she was, glancing at her watch she was amazed to discover it was nearly 8pm, deciding to reward herself with a pizza, Gillian grabbed the phone and placed an order for the full works. Feeling a pang of sadness Gillian shook her head at the recognition of yet another Saturday evening spent on her own, but in reality she wasn't ready to put herself out there yet, she was out of practice and needed more time to heal and rebuild her confidence. Besides which, having some time to herself was actually quite nice, she was in no hurry to meet someone new, some 'me' time was just what she wanted right now!

Pouring herself a glass of wine, Gillian was surprised by a knock at the door, she wasn't expecting anyone and didn't have a clue who it could be. Feeling a flutter anxiety in her stomach, Gillian prayed it wasn't Alec. She'd managed to go a whole month without him calling, texting or emailing her, and she wanted it to stay that way!

Gillian was relieved to see that the silhouette of the person she could see through her door was much too small to be Alec, but then she took a quick glance down at herself. She was hardly dressed for company; this was her typical 'cleaning' outfit. Ancient jeans, that had been washed so many times they were barely blue anymore and completely worn in all the usual places; and a plain white spaghetti strap vest top that sat just above the waist of her jeans, hinting at a glimpse of flesh when she moved. Her feet were bare and her face clear of make-up with her hair held in a clip.

'Oh well, not much I can do about it now', she thought to herself.

Reaching to open the door Gillian was alarmed to see a very red-eyed sixteen year old standing there.

"Emily," she said, immediately reaching out to reassure the obviously distressed teenager.

"Hi Gillian," Emily replied, nervously avoiding making eye contact, "I'm really sorry to bother you and if it's too much trouble I'll understand, but if it's ok with you is there any chance I can stay here? Just for tonight I mean, but if you're too busy it's not a problem."

All of this came out in a mumbled rush, and Gillian didn't need to be an expert at reading people to see just how distressed Emily was, her enormous brown eyes filling with tears and she pleaded her story.

"Of course you can Em," Gillian replied, gently reaching for her hand and guiding Emily into her home with a reassuring smile, all the while wondering what on earth had caused this usually confident and assured young lady to regress back to being a scared little girl again.

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**Curious? Let me know - please!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey, just wanted to thank everyone who took the time to review, really appreciate it!**

**Disclaimer - see part 1.**

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**Part 2**

Not wanting to cause Emily further distress by immediately questioning her, even though she desperately wanted to know what had happened, Gillian pulled Emily into her arms and tried to offer her the comfort she so obviously needed. Emily immediately complied and the tears that had previously been held at bay now broke free with a ferocity that slightly scared Gillian. Reminding herself that at sixteen years old, events that could feel like the end of the world were not uncommon, Gillian forced herself to calm down and focus on the task of trying to do the same with Emily.

Emily was clinging to her, her small frame shaking from the intensity of her sobbing. Squeezing tightly and rubbing a gentle hand up and down her back, Gillian whispered reassuring words, "it's alright Em, I've got you sweetie, your safe, sshhh, it's ok."

Emily continued to sob and Gillian held her, not trying to stop her tears, just offering the comfort of her presence.

After a few minutes, Emily's sobs became quieter sniffs, the worst was over and her vice like grip loosened enough for Gillian to be able to guide her to the sofa and pull her down next to her. Emily's arms still circled Gillian's waist, her face buried against her chest. Gillian was both saddened and warmed to feel a strong wave of motherly protectiveness sweep through her. She loved Emily unconditionally, always had; she was an easy kid to love, especially given the bond Gillian shared with Emily's father. A bond she never allowed herself to examine in too much detail, or at least that's what she tried to tell herself.

Gillian would wait until Emily was ready to talk, until then she was happy to just sit and enjoy the privilege of being the person Emily had chosen to come to for comfort and reassurance; at the same time hoping that the story she was waiting to be told wasn't too awful. Gillian then thought about Cal, where was he? Did he know Emily was here? Did he know what was wrong? He must be frantic, Gillian thought, I'll need to call him soon.

Sniffing loudly Emily finally looked up at Gillian, her huge eyes swollen and blood shot, "sorry about your shirt," she managed to croak with a guilty look.

"Hey, what's a little snot between friends?" Gillian replied, hoping to lighten the mood.

It worked and Emily chuckled quietly as she sat up and reached for the tissues. Handing several to Gillian who then mopped at her sodden shirt, Emily proceeded to blow her nose loudly as they then both dissolved into a fit of the giggles.

"That's better," Gillian said as she reached for Emily and wrapped her arm around her shoulders, pulling her back into a loose cuddle.

"Now kiddo, are you ready to tell me what happened?" she asked quietly, all the while conscious of the fact that Cal would be going crazy somewhere worrying about his daughter.

Emily's voice became a whisper, "I had a fight with dad and he told me he doesn't want me anymore," she said, her voice hitching as she tried to hold back another sob.

Gillian held back a gasp as a sharp pain of shock and disbelief twisted her stomach.

"Oh Em, you know he didn't mean it sweetie, your dad loves you more than anything in this world," she replied, furious with Cal for saying such a thing but also knowing that he must have been pushed to his limit to say those words, even in anger.

"Then why did he say it?" Emily asked, her eyes now searching Gillian's for an explanation and reassurance.

Trying not to fall into 'psychologist mode' and remember that she was talking to her best friend's daughter, a kid she couldn't imagine loving more if she were her own, Gillian was saved from answering immediately by a knock on the door.

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**Apologies if you were expecting something earth shattering from Emily, but I couldn't let anything really horrible happen to her! Anyway this story isn't really about her!**

**Sorry this chapter's so short, the next one's longer - and nearly finished!**

**Please review, it's food for the muse ;-)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: again thanks so much for reviewing everyone, I love watching as all those messages jump into my inbox, it's addictive!**

**This story has sort of gained momentum as I've been writing, it's probably going to be longer than I first anticipated, hope that's ok??**

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**Part 3**

Hearing the knock at the door, Emily jumped like a startled cat.

"Oh no, I bet that's dad," she stated, starting to get agitated again.

Concerned to observe Emily's immediate leap in anxiety, Gillian tried to reassure her.

"It's ok Emily, it's probably just the pizza guy, but if it's your dad I'll ask him to go," she stated, trying her best to sound certain whilst knowing she probably wouldn't have a cat in hells chance of stopping him from barging in, even though another confrontation was the last thing either of them needed.

Releasing a relieved breath, Gillian immediately recognised the colours of the delivery guy's uniform through the glass panel of the door. She smiled as she realised that although she hadn't been too happy about the security risks of having glass in her front door, on two occasions this evening it had proven to be useful.

"Emily honey, can you grab a couple of plates and napkins from the kitchen please," she called as she paid the pizza guy.

Emily returned from the kitchen as Gillian placed the pizza box on the coffee table, "you found everything ok?" she asked, Emily nodded her reply.

Emily had been here on the night she had moved in, she and Cal had offered to help with what had been an exhausting day both physically and emotionally. It was the day that the reality of how much her life had changed had really hit her, the reality of being on her own again, starting over, fear had temporarily overridden her optimism for a moment and having Cal and Emily with her that day had been a salve to her battered soul.

Opening the lid of the huge pizza box Gillian was amused to see that Emily's distress hadn't affected her appetite as she dived in and took an enormous bite. Taking in her amused expression Emily swallowed quickly as a look of shame clouded her young face, "I'm sorry I didn't even ask, is it ok if I have some?"

Gillian couldn't help but laugh, "of course it is, you didn't really think I would eat the whole thing did you?"

"But you didn't know I was coming!" Emily stated in confusion, her eyes then widening as a realisation hit her.

"Oh no, you're expecting someone aren't you?" she asked, immediately jumping to her feet and heading for the door.

"Emily stop," Gillian called quickly.

Emily stopped where she stood, her body hesitating but her eyes hopefully waiting for the answer she wanted.

"I'm not expecting anyone honey, I was just really hungry and as usual I ordered too much. Now get back here and help me eat this thing," she replied, smiling at the huge grin Emily now wore.

Waiting until Emily sat down; Gillian gently broached the subject of a certain Doctor Lightman.

"Em I really need to call your dad, he'll be so worried about you," she said, hoping that Emily wouldn't argue with her.

Emily just nodded but refused to meet Gillian's eye, focusing her undivided attention on the suddenly fascinating pizza topping.

Standing and reaching for the phone, Gillian watched as Emily's body language screamed uncertainty and defeat, whatever this argument was about it had clearly taken its toll!

Hitting speed dial, Gillian didn't have to wait long as the call was answered on the first ring.

"Not now Foster," Cal barked from the end of the line, the anger and hostility in those three words enough to tell Gillian just how upset and worried he was.

Deciding to put his mind at rest as quickly as possible, Gillian immediately told him what he wanted to hear.

"Emily's with me Cal," she said, listening intently as she heard Cal audibly deflate, the air leaving his lungs in an anguished gust.

Nothing was said for a few moments and Gillian waited as Cal took a moment to suck in some breaths and try to regain his composure.

"Is she ok?" he asked quietly.

Deciding now was not the time to mention how distressed Emily had been, Gillian replied with the standard response, "she's fine Cal," although at this moment she didn't know whether that was completely truthful.

"I'm coming over," Cal stated.

Expecting this response Gillian took a deep breath and prepared herself for battle.

"I don't think that such a good idea," she said, flinching inwardly as she anticipated his response.

"What do you mean?" he replied, his voice once more sharp and cutting.

"Look Cal, we're just about to eat and I think you and Emily could both do with some time to cool off. Don't come over here, it'll just make things worse."

Gillian could almost feel Cal's anger through the phone, "**don't you bloody well tell me what to do Foster, she's my bloody daughter not yours," **he shouted, so loud in fact that Emily's head snapped up, this time her own distress forgotten as she saw the flash of pain Cal's thoughtless words had brought to Gillian's eyes.

Clenching her teeth and refusing to be baited Gillian's voice remained calm, betraying the fact that at that moment she really wanted to tell Cal to go to hell.

"It's 8.20 now Cal, give us until 11 and then you can come here. If you come before then, I won't open the door," she stated bluntly.

"**Right**," was all she heard in response as Cal hung up quickly.

Glancing again at Emily, Gillian was dismayed to see her nervously chewing at her bottom lip, a deep frown marring her pretty face. Joining her on the sofa, Gillian gave a reassuring smile.

"Don't worry sweetie, he'll calm down. He always does, you know his bark's much worse than his bite," she stated. Reaching for a slice of pizza she tried to ignore the small ache in her stomach caused by Cal's hostility, she knew he hadn't meant to deliberately cause her pain, but that didn't mean it hadn't hurt.

"I'm sorry he yelled at you because of me," Emily whispered guiltily, "he didn't mean it though."

Sighing Gillian replied, "I know he didn't Em, just like he didn't mean what he said to you. He's just upset and angry, and you don't need to apologise. I'm glad you came here, you know you're always welcome sweetie, anytime you want I'm always ready to listen."

"Thanks Gillian," she replied, and the two of them fell silent as the pizza finally received the attention it deserved.

"Can I get a soda," Emily asked as she finished her last mouthful and swiped at her mouth with her napkin.

"Yes honey help yourself, and can you grab my wine as well please," Gillian asked, hoping that Emily was now relaxed enough to tell her the whole story.

Handing Gillian her glass, Emily sat down next to her; she drank a huge gulp of soda and then began her tale without prompting.

"I was supposed to be meeting some friends tonight at the mall," she began, "we were just going to hang out, maybe go to a movie, grab some food, you know nothing special."

Gillian nodded in encouragement, not wanting to interrupt.

"Anyway, ever since Susan, you remember the girl from my school who had sex with that college guy?"

Again Gillian nodded; she remembered it well of course. That whole case had been a nightmare for Cal. Most people wouldn't have noticed but Gillian knew exactly how shaken Cal had been by the experience, especially given how it had ultimately ended. Cal had confided in her that if it had been Emily who had been in that situation, he couldn't have promised that he wouldn't have killed someone. Cal had been completely truthful when he had told her that, and his honesty had unnerved her. Gillian hadn't doubted his words; she knew all too well that violence had been a way of life for Cal in his youth. She also knew that he wouldn't hesitate to fall back into old habits if his family was threatened, and that included Zoe as well as Emily. Gillian wasn't a fool, their marriage may be over, but she would be kidding herself if she thought that Cal no longer had strong feelings for his ex wife. She just tried to ignore that fact, telling herself it was none of her business even though she hated the hold that Zoe still had over him. Yet another aspect of her relationship with Cal that she refused to analyse in any detail. Mentally shaking herself, Gillian took a sip of wine and focused once more on Emily's voice.

"Anyway, dad spoke to a couple of seniors at school about it, you know, did his whole 'I can tell when you're lying' thing. And ever since then, everyone in school has thought it's hilarious how my dad is this weird truth guy who won't let his precious baby daughter do anything or go anywhere. They all call me 'daddy's little girl', and ask when I'll be old enough to go out to play, it's been driving me crazy. Tonight I was getting ready to go out and I'd left my cell phone on the kitchen counter, my friend Julie, just as a joke, sent me a text saying 'see you at the frat house', it was just a joke I swear, but dad saw it and went completely crazy. He started screaming saying that I'd lied to him and that he thought he could trust me. He said, hadn't I learned anything from what happened with Susan and her dad, and did I want that to happen to me? He just kept on and on, and I tried to tell him that it was just a joke but he got more and more angry."

Gillian reached out to take Emily's hand and give it a reassuring squeeze as she was starting to get upset again, her voice raising and her words rushing from her lips.

"I got really angry myself then and I told him that I was sick of him always thinking the worst all the time and that I hated his job because it made him suspicious of everything, but that just made him more angry and he wouldn't shut up about Susan and then he asked me if I was having sex yet! I told him to mind his own business, but only because I was angry, not because I am or anything!"

At this point Emily turned to look at Gillian, her eyes filling with tears as she recounted the part of the argument that had upset her the most.

"He just completely freaked out then, I've never seen him so angry Gill. He yelled that I was behaving like a common tart and that I should pack my bags and go back to mom's because he was sick of worrying about me all the time. I didn't want him to see me get upset so I ran into my room, then when I heard him go into the bathroom I snuck out and called a cab. I didn't want to go to mom's, she'd have freaked too, so I came here, I didn't think you'd mind and I didn't know what else to do!"

A lone tear escaped from Emily's watery eyes and traced a path down her cheek.

Putting down her glass, Gillian reached over and pulled Emily into another hug, this time more for own benefit than for Emily's. Gillian took a moment to think about what to say. She knew Cal had in no way meant what he had said, but when he was upset and worried about his daughter all rational thought seemed to abandon him, especially following the McNeil case. She also knew that Cal's words, even though spoken in anger, had hurt Emily deeply, potentially dredging up all the pain and insecurities caused by her parents divorce. Unfortunately, Doctor Gillian Foster, the skilled and gifted psychologist, was needed at this point.

Sitting back and facing Emily, Gillian asked, "I'm sorry sweetie that must have been awful for you, but why do you think he said that?"

Recognising the question for what it was but also knowing that she should answer, Emily shrugged before replying, "He was angry and worried I guess. I know what happened with Susan and her dad really freaked him out, but I wish he would just trust me. I'm not stupid, I would never do what Susan did."

"I know you wouldn't Em, and so does your dad. He just has a bit of a temper and unfortunately when he's really worried about you he doesn't always think straight."

Emily nodded, "he was so angry, he scared me a bit." Emily was almost embarrassed to admit that to Gillian, she hadn't thought that he would hit her or anything, but seeing her dad like that had been really unsettling. Even his rows with her mom hadn't made him that angry.

"Listen to me Emily," Gillian said, waiting until she was sure that she had Emily's full attention.

"I've known your dad for a long time, he may seem like a tough guy to you, and to most other people, but that's mostly because of his job. You know your dad is the best when it comes to reading people, and because of that he wears a mask, so others can't read him. You're very lucky Emily because you are the only person who sees him without that mask, and that's because you are the only person that he loves enough to be completely himself around."

Genuine shock; Gillian recognised the micro expression that flashed across Emily's face.

Taking both of Emily's hands into her own, Gillian lent forward and held Emily's eyes to emphatically emphasise her point.

"Your dad loves you more than absolutely anything or anybody. He hates to think of you hurt or upset or in danger, he would do **anything **to protect you and keep you safe, and that's why he was so angry tonight, not because he doesn't trust you or thinks you're lying, but because he loves you and is terrified of anything bad happening to you. He absolutely doesn't want you to go back to your mom's, he'd love for you to live with him full time if you could. **He didn't mean what he said.**"

Slowly nodding her acceptance of Gillian's words, Emily sighed as the tension caused by the evening's events finally released its hold and she collapsed back into the sofa. Giving her a moment to process her thoughts, Gillian hoped that Emily was sufficiently reassured enough to forgive Cal. She knew he would already be feeling enormous guilt and remorse over his actions, she just hoped that Emily's forgiveness would be enough for him to forgive himself!

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**This chapter was a tricky one to write as we've never actually seen any really intense interaction between Emily and Gillian, I hope I did it justice!**

**And sorry to everyone who was expecting Cal, the story just wasn't ready for him yet!**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Thanks again everyone for your wonderful reviews, they really are incentive for me! Apologies for the slow update, I've had a headache for 5 days now!**

**BTW - remember that photo of Kelli Williams I mentioned.......................................**

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**Part 4**

Deciding to give Emily some space, Gillian stood and cleared the small coffee table. Walking to the kitchen she glanced back to see Emily was still deep in thought but appeared much more at ease than she had since she arrived earlier. Placing the remnants of the pizza in the fridge, Gillian poured herself another glass of wine and took a minute to reflect on the evening. So much for a quiet night spent on her own she thought, not that she in any way begrudged Emily coming over, she was happy to no longer be alone. She felt a warm sense of pride that she had been able to comfort and reassure Emily, especially as she had been so distressed. The evening was also far from over she mused. Had she over-stepped 'the line' earlier when she told Cal to back off? That cursed line she thought, what a stupid bloody concept, where did it start and end, who drew it, did it even exist anymore? The fact that Emily had chosen to come here tonight proved that Gillian was more than just Cal's business partner, but she knew that anyway, they were friends, close friends who cared for and respected each other. But is that all they were?

Thinking back to her brief phone conversation with Cal earlier, she again flinched at the cold harsh tone and words he had subjected her to. Of course he had been deeply worried at the time, but his animosity toward her had hurt more than she liked to admit. As much as she tried to rationalise his actions, it didn't make her feel any better, the flutter of pain he had caused had now settled into a dull ache in her chest. Gillian almost felt ridiculous for feeling this way, she and Cal had argued many times, but usually his anger had been directed at a case, or a particular individual who'd pissed him off. Rarely had it been aimed at her, and on the few times when it had, Cal had been quick to apologise, genuine shame evident in his eyes. This time though he'd chosen words to deliberately cause pain, Gillian knew he wasn't being consciously malicious, but he'd been furious and in that moment he had wanted to lash out and hurt her – he'd succeeded.

Alarmed to feel the prick of tears in her own eyes, Gillian took a long swallow of her wine and headed toward the spare room, pausing at the laundry closet to collect clean bedding. As she began making up the spare bed, Gillian looked up and smiled as Emily joined her.

"Hey kiddo, how're you feeling?" she asked.

"Tired, but better thanks," Emily responded as she grabbed a pillow and started to wrestle it into the pillow case.

"Good, I'm glad. You know your dad's coming over soon don't you?"

Emily nodded, her eyes downcast as she gave the pillow a hefty shake.

"Yeah I know, but do I have to see him?" she asked, her voice taking a pleading note, "he'll probably still be mad at me for coming here and I don't want to fight with him again."

"You just leave your dad to me Em," Gillian assured her, hoping that she'd be able to diffuse the ticking bomb that was, on occasion, Cal Lightman.

Pausing for a moment, Emily's tone became thoughtful.

"You're wrong you know," she said cryptically as she pursed her lips in contemplation.

"About what?" Gillian asked, puzzled by the sudden change of topic.

"About dad," she replied, "I've been thinking about what you said before, you know about the mask he wears?"

Gillian nodded, unsure about where the conversation was headed.

"He doesn't always wear it when he's with you; I've seen him sometimes, the way he looks at you when you're not looking and I just know that he's sad, or happy, or confused. Do you ever see it?" Emily asked, trying to keep a look of innocent curiosity whilst knowing that the relationship between Gillian and her father was at best complicated, at worst completely off limits.

Of course Gillian wasn't fooled, she knew what Emily was doing but she also couldn't argue that she was wrong. Many times she had glanced up and found Cal watching her, a brief flash of an undefined emotion on his face before he swiftly and expertly covered it up. It drove her nuts, she was frustrated and hurt that he felt the need to conceal himself around her, but she was also a hypocrite as she did it too. It had become a habit while she'd been with Alec, a shield to hide her pain from him, and her sadness from others, including Cal. If only Cal would just once let her truly see him, maybe she'd feel safe enough to do the same, but that was highly unlikely as they were both too stubborn and too afraid of being hurt to let their walls down. She had actually done just that recently though, when that bastard Matheson had held Cal hostage. She'd been so terrified that Matheson was going to kill Cal that her emotions had spilled over, and control had been relinquished. But Cal still wore his armour that day; she'd maybe felt a tiny niche later that evening when he had clung to her and she'd felt the pounding of his heart as he'd momentarily surrendered, but the moment had quickly passed and Cal had resumed his usual 'I feel nothing' persona.

Treading carefully, Gillian considered her response, trying to ignore the stirrings of both hope and anxiety caused by Emily's words.

"I don't know about that Em, I haven't seen it myself," she lied, cursing herself for her cowardice but unwillingly to tread these waters, especially with Emily who was a particularly sensitive and perceptive kid.

Not falling for it, Emily stopped what she was doing and pierced Gillian with an 'I'm not buying it' look! Her large expressive eyes conveying that she knew that Gillian knew, exactly what she was talking about!

Gillian was surprised to find herself flustered by Emily's accusatory stare, interviewing potential suspects rarely made her feel that way! This conversation was rapidly heading for dangerous ground, her relationship with Cal was confusing in her own mind so how could she possibly vocalise it with Cal's teenage daughter?

"Look Em, it's complicated okay? Your dad and I work together, you know we care about each other but we have to be professional, we have a job to do!" she knew it was a cop out, but this discussion was starting to make her feel extremely uneasy.

Emily sensed Gillian's discomfort and felt a little guilty, but she was so frustrated with the two of them dancing around each other all the time. She had already told Gillian that her dad was much happier when he was with her, and she'd meant it! He smiled and laughed more, was more relaxed and well…….happier! She didn't need to be a body language expert to see that sometimes when they were in a room together, it was as though no-one else existed, the way they held each others' complete attention, the way Gillian's eyes softened when she looked at her dad. She just wished they would both get a clue!

Sensing an opportunity for distraction, Gillian gestured Emily to help her with the duvet cover and quickly the two of them were giggling as they tried to force the comforter to submit.

When the bed was finally ready for its occupant, Gillian stretched trying to work out the kinks that had set up residence in her back after a day of cleaning, sorting and counselling. As she did so her top rose to reveal a much greater expanse of bare skin and she jumped as Emily let out a shriek.

"No way!" Emily screeched, lunging across the bed and pushing up the hem of Gillian's shirt.

"Way!" Gillian responded, chuckling as she realised what Emily was looking at.

"I can't believe you have a tattoo," she exclaimed, not at all embarrassed by the fact that she was staring intently at Gillian's bare hip.

"Why?" she asked, somewhat indignantly, "your dad has plenty of them, and compared with his this barely qualifies."

"I know but you're so…" Emily paused, thinking of the right word to describe the woman who played such an important role in her life, "…..sensible!"

Gillian was a little dismayed by Emily's response, she was fed up of being sensible, sensible was boring!

"I didn't use to be you know, I used to be fun and a bit of a party animal," she admitted, hoping to redeem herself somewhat.

Emily just smiled in apparent disbelief; she still focused on the small but perfect star that decorated Gillian's hip.

"When did you get it?" she asked, curiosity now flooding her young face.

Happy to let Emily continue her examination, Gillian gave a brief explanation.

"Spring break in Miami when I was 19, a group of us all came back to college with various tattoos and / or piercings!" Gillian laughed not sure which was funnier, the memory of that crazy week or the look of complete shock on Emily's face.

"Wow!" Emily muttered, temporarily speechless, but then a thought occurred.

"Has dad seen it?" she asked hesitantly.

Slightly taken aback as to why Emily thought he might have, Gillian replied, "no why would he?"

Emily just shrugged, "I just think he'd like it! He likes tattoos," 'and he'd really like this one', she added in her mind.

Ignoring the flush that suddenly burned her face, Gillian's embarrassment was given a reprieve as Emily cracked a huge yawn.

"I'll go and get you something to sleep in," she stated, quickly heading out of the room.

Entering her own bedroom, Gillian took some deep breaths to calm herself. Emily's words may have seemed innocent enough, but the image of Cal's fingers gently brushing her tattoo had suddenly scorched itself into her mind. She had a feeling it would be some time before she was able to erase it. Summoning her professional mask, she headed back to Emily carrying an oversized t-shirt.

After the usual ritual of face washing, tooth cleaning and dressing for bed, Gillian sat next to a very sleepy Emily who was now buried in a cocoon of pillows and comforter.

"I don't know why I'm so tired," she yawned, "I never go to bed this early usually."

"Emotional confrontations are exhausting Em," Gillian explained, remembering back the blazing rows she and Alec had shared. Frequently she had sought sanctuary by climbing into bed and burying herself under the covers after a particularly nasty altercation.

Emily nodded, "thanks Gillian," she whispered, "I'm sorry I dumped all this on you, but I knew you would help and you have," she added sincerely.

"You're welcome kiddo, and you have nothing to apologise for. I meant it when I said you're welcome anytime, I love having you here."

Gillian felt a small lump in her throat as she studied Emily's features; she looked more like a tired, vulnerable child than a mature young lady at this moment. Unable to stop herself, she leant forward to brush a small kiss on Emily's forehead, tucking her hair behind her ear as she did so.

"And I love you too," she whispered.

Standing to leave the room, Gillian's heart stopped as she heard a muffled response.

"Night Gillian, I love you."

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**Hope I didn't take too many liberties with characterisation there, but this is fanfiction, we can all embellish a little!**

**Let me know your thoughts................**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: A bit of a warning here, this chapter is a little dark, but have you ever lashed out at someone you love because you are really angry?**

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**Part 5**

Glancing at her watch for the tenth time in as many minutes, Gillian mentally chastised herself for her anxiety. She was waiting for Cal, a man she had known for most of her adult life, a man she trusted with her life, a man who would be here in approximately – another glance at her watch, 15 minutes. That's if he actually waited until 11, Gillian knew she was probably one of the few people who Cal would actually take heed of when told to do something, but that didn't mean that he would have liked being told to stay away, he was probably actually really pissed about it! Gillian knew that he would be desperate to see Emily and reassure himself of her safety; it wasn't that he hadn't believed Gillian's insistence that Emily was fine, but he would understandably still need to see for himself.

Would he have calmed down, she wondered? Knowing Cal probably not! Not when it came to Emily and being told what to do by somebody who 'wasn't her parent'! God, that had hurt Gillian thought again, he'd hit her right at the heart of her most painful insecurity, the doubt that she would ever be a mother. That pain was enough to stir her own anger; if Cal wanted a fight then he wouldn't be disappointed! Thinking back to what Emily had said earlier both warmed and saddened Gillian. It had been……….unexpected, but very welcome. Despite her parents' volatile relationship and painful divorce, Emily was a trusting and compassionate young woman who was quick to see the best in people. They had always been close, their relationship somewhere between sisters or aunt and niece, but tonight Gillian realised just how important she was to Emily and although that knowledge was a blessing, the realisation that she may never hear a child of her own tell her she loved her, filled Gillian with an aching emptiness.

A sudden knock at the door startled Gillian from her thoughts, her anxiety increasing as a painful jolt stabbed at her stomach. Placing her now empty wine glass on the table, she stood and answered the door.

With a sinking heart she knew without question that Cal was still angry, seething would actually be a more accurate description. His eyes were most communicative, cold and hard and staring right through her with a challenging intensity as though daring her to not let him in.

"Foster," was all he said as he stepped forward, forcing her to take a step back to avoid colliding with him.

Once inside, he turned to her and she could see the muscles of his jaw clenching, he was just barely holding on to his rage and Gillian knew why Emily had been so spooked earlier. It was very unnerving and she couldn't help feeling even more apprehensive.

"Where is she?" he asked, the strained quiet tone of his voice saying more than if he had yelled at her.

"She's asleep Cal, in the spare room," Gillian replied, "please don't disturb her." A further flash of anger creased Cal's brow at her words, she knew it was futile, of course he was going to check on Emily but Gillian hoped that was all he would do and not wake Emily to take her home.

Gillian followed Cal as he turned away, desperately hoping that when he actually saw Emily he would let go of his rage a little. Cal in full fury was not something she had the energy to cope with tonight.

Unfortunately Gillian saw no release of tension as Cal observed his sleeping daughter, he just took a moment to watch her then quietly closed the door and walked back to the living room. Running his fingers through his hair, Gillian flinched as he suddenly spun round to confront her.

"Where the bloody hell do you get off telling me what to do with my own daughter Foster, it's none of your bloody business" he hissed through clenched teeth whilst lunging forward right into her personal space.

Momentarily startled but refusing to be intimidated, Gillian took a bold step forward, her face inches from his.

"It is my bloody business when she comes here so upset she can barely speak," she threw back, wanting to scream at him but conscious of not waking Emily.

"You had **no right** to tell me to stay away," he added, now so close she could see the throbbing of his temple.

"Why didn't I Cal?" Gillian challenged, "Should I have let you come here so you could tell her again that you wanted her to go back to her mom's? Have you any idea how much that hurt her? She was devastated!"

Guilt and embarrassment were all the added fuel that Cal needed at that point to react without thinking and say the one thing he knew would be guaranteed to get her to back off.

"Stay out of it," he fumed, rage and fury flooding his usually rational mind and forcing out all common sense. "Don't think that you can play at being a parent with my kid Foster, you don't even qualify!"

Gillian instantly reacted to the rush of pain that hit her with the intensity of a physical blow, and her palm connected with his cheek before she even realised she'd raised her arm. So hard was the blow that it snapped Cal's head back and the echo of the slap seemed to bounce off the walls in the now silent room. Even through the blur of her tear flooded eyes, Gillian easily read the torrent of emotions that flashed across Cal's usually passive face. He wasn't the only one who was stunned by her actions; the shock had been enough for him to momentarily shed his camouflage!

Surprise, shock, rage, horror, shame, remorse, panic, terror.

Panic and terror were the emotions that stayed. They were now etched on his face clearly and they intensified as Gillian stumbled back from him, her hand held in front of her as though to ward off any further assault.

"Oh God Gillian," he gasped, his voice now the epitome of agony and regret, "I'm so sorry love." He took a step toward her and was horrified as she once again retreated from him, her body closing in on itself in a completely defensive gesture.

"Oh fuckin' hell," he muttered as he turned away, his hands grasping at his hair as the full resonation of his own words slammed into him like a punch in the gut. He couldn't bear to look at her, couldn't bear the look of pain and betrayal in her eyes, couldn't bear to see the consequence of his own actions.

Gillian stood motionless, she wanted to scream, wanted to slap him again, wanted to tell him to go to hell; but she couldn't move, her whole body had shut down as a result of his words. Gillian had often confided in Cal about her sadness at not having a child, especially when Sophie had been taken from her as Alec had refused to discuss it. And now he'd used that against her, thrown her most defenceless vulnerability in her face and she was completely overwhelmed. She watched as Cal appeared to shrink before her, his legs failing him as he collapsed onto the sofa, head in his hands; his demeanour screamed remorse and defeat but she couldn't bring herself to speak and lessen his guilt, he deserved it!

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**Sorry it's so short but I had to break up this part of the story! **

**This short chapter was difficult to write, Cal's a bit of a complicated soul!**

**What did you think?**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I had several mixed opinions of my last chapter, some thought it was spot on, others a bit over the top or out of character! So I wrote this chapter so you could see exactly why Cal acted the way he did! Besides I couldn't have you hating our Cal could I???**

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**Part 6**

Many times in his life Cal's mouth had gotten him into trouble. As a kid he'd been a bit of a smart arse, always quick to come out with a glib comment, a sarcastic remark or sometimes something just plain nasty and often that had resulted in a stinging cheek, a black eye or a swollen lip. It was something he'd learned to control as he gained maturity and life experience, but it was also something that resurfaced when he felt backed into a corner. He pondered over the irony that it was often the characteristics that we most loathed in ourselves that we then fell back into when stressed or angry. Sometimes during one of their more explosive fights, he had thrown something really spiteful at Zoe, something that he had instantly regretted; but Zoe had always launched something equally vicious back at him, she had quickly learned the rules of the game and had become a worthy opponent!

But tonight was different, tonight he'd been insensitive and cruel to two people who didn't play the game, who didn't observe the rules or understand the system. He'd been a bastard and he knew it, but guilt was a pitiless master and tonight it had toyed with him like a defective puppet. It had all started with the McNeil case, he'd understood Mr Reed's actions, he didn't condone them but he recognised the place they had come from. A dark place where you would do anything to protect the people you love. Ever since then his protective and defensive emotions had been in overdrive where his daughter was concerned. The reality that she was becoming an adult in a world he often saw the worst of, had made him nervous and suspicious, he was fully aware that he was being obsessive but he was equally powerless to stop it.

That bloody text message had been the last straw, all the worry, anxiety and stress of the previous weeks had overwhelmed him and he snapped! His temper had often been his undoing and this evening had been no exception, and poor Emily had felt both the sharp edge of his tongue and the ferocity of his barely controlled fury. When he had first discovered she was no longer in the house, he wasn't overly concerned; but a few phone calls later, including a rather difficult one with Zoe, and he was starting to get frantic. She wasn't anywhere he had thought of, he hadn't even considered calling Gillian! The immediate relief when Gillian had rang him with the news he so desperately needed had been quickly outweighed by guilt and embarrassment. Gillian would yet again be exposed to his failings, this time as a father. So many times she had seen him at his worse, his marriage breakdown, his gambling addiction, not to mention all the times he had been out of control, drunk, or just high on the adrenaline of a particularly extreme situation; more times than he liked to recall! He wasn't in any way annoyed that Emily had sought refuge from Gillian, but he was humiliated by the realisation that Gillian would probably then have to explain and rationalise his behaviour to his own daughter. The added embarrassment of then being told to stay away had been enough to test all of his self control, he had to fight with himself not to come straight here and beat the door down. Only his enormous respect for his partner had stopped him, that and the fact that he trusted her implicitly especially with the care of his daughter. But therein lay another source of his guilt, which was worse? The fact that Emily had fled to escape from him, or the fact that his partner and closest friend had needed to shield her from him? Shame weighed heavily as Cal risked a glance in Gillian's direction. She was now sitting in the recliner opposite him, her legs bent in front of her and her arms hugging her knees in a self comforting gesture. She was looking down at the floor, seemingly lost in thought, but her expression of overwhelming sadness caused his chest to tighten and he swallowed back a surge of nausea.

He pondered the enigma that was Gillian Foster. She was a remarkably resilient person, she'd seen more than her fair share of ugliness and pain, both personally and professionally. He'd been there when she discovered that she couldn't have children, he'd witnessed the heartache of the adoption process, the constantly raised hopes which had then been smashed time and time again. He had witnessed her unreserved joy when Sophie had been placed with her and Alec, and then her complete desolation as she had been torn away. He had watched as her selfish prick of a husband had lied, cheated and humiliated her, even as she stood by him and tried not to lose faith. And he had watched the pain of her divorce, witnessed her brave struggle to try and move forward and ignore her uncertainties. In spite of this and the often distressing aspects of their work, or maybe because of it, she was the strongest, most compassionate and loving person he had ever met. She was slow to judge and quick to forgive, always cheerful and optimistic. Her physical beauty although immense, was far outweighed by the immeasurable beauty of her soul and her ability to touch the lives of the people around her. She had her faults of course, sometimes her ineffable need to see the best in people had led to her being hurt – like tonight! 'I don't deserve her' Cal thought for the thousandth time. He loved her completely and knew she loved him in return, it was evident in everything she did although sometimes he was clueless as to her reasons for loving him; but he didn't deserve her and that was why he often kept her at arms length. Sometimes she found a way in, pushed back his defences when he was especially tired or vulnerable, but he quickly found a way to push her back again, usually by sleeping with another woman or doing something thoughtlessly reckless. But she always forgave him, and never let him wallow or escape into the luxury of self-pity, she challenged him and gave him a kick up the arse when he needed it!

His study of her was interrupted as Gillian became aware of the burden of his scrutiny and looked up, their eyes locked and Cal's breathing hitched as he saw not anger or pain or hatred; just a question, one question – why?

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**Sorry, another short one I know, and apologies for those who were expecting a reconciliation - anticipation is a wonderful thing - I know I'm evil!!!**

**I promise a swift update if properly motivated ;-)**

**BTW thanks for all your amazing reviews - you guys are awesome xxx**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I know I say it every time, but thanks so much for your amazing reviews. I hope this chapter justifies your praise and support!**

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**Part 7**

'Why?' Cal thought, 'that's a bloody good question!'

Gillian had trusted him with something incredibly personal and he had treated it like a bargaining chip and used it to gamble with her emotions. However, he knew trust was a two way contract and right now the least she deserved in return was his honesty.

"I'll tell you why love," he began, "because I'm a bloody idiot, that's why!"

Unable to stop herself Gillian's feelings spoke for her.

"A selfish bastard is a better description I think," she said curtly.

Inwardly flinching at the stab of pain caused by her justifiable animosity, Cal continued.

"I think that sums it up perfectly actually," he agreed with a grim smile, "but you know me Gill, never could stop myself from being a complete prick and running my mouth off!"

Gillian almost smiled at that point, sometimes Cal's self deprecation could be quite charming, that or she was just a hopeless fool for falling for it! But this time was different; he hadn't used the glib comment as a deflection, he had meant it. Studying Cal intently, Gillian was surprised to see that the man currently sitting in front of her was no longer concealed, his thoughts, feelings and emotions were clearly displayed for her and if she was honest with herself, it was a little disconcerting. This was a Cal she saw rarely and usually only when he was very tired or very drunk; but tonight she recognised the driving force for his revelation - guilt and regret. The knowledge that this was the real Cal, the true person who he was loathe to reveal, enforced the sincerity of his regret and her anger toward him loosened its grip a little.

Noticing the slight tremor of his hands, Gillian's innate sense of compassion drove her to stand and retrieve a bottle of scotch and two glasses from the kitchen. As she placed a half full glass into Cal's waiting hand, he quickly grabbed her wrist before she retreated. Looking down into his now expressive eyes, she saw more than could ever be conveyed by mere conversation.

He was deeply ashamed of himself, his remorse and regret were unmistakable but what she saw most was his desperation and longing. Longing for her to understand his flaws, but still love him anyway and forgive him for them; desperation for her not to give up on him and an overwhelming yearning that she would grant him the salvation of trying to redeem his actions. The raw honesty of his exposed vulnerability almost drove Gillian to her knees and she valiantly tried to blink away a sudden flood of tears.

"Don't cry darlin'," Cal whispered, "I don't deserve it."

With that declaration, Gillian's defences crumbled and the last thread of her restraint snapped. Fierce hot tears forced from her eyes as a painful sob wrenched her throat, Cal pulled her to him but forgiveness wasn't yet forthcoming and she yanked her arm from his grasp, stumbling to fall on the sofa next to him but turning away and again drawing up her knees.

'This is real punishment' Cal thought. Gillian wasn't quick to cry, only when deeply distressed was she unable to hold back the tears and as he watched her now he saw the battle she was having to rein in her emotions and regain control. Disgusted with himself he reached for his glass and poured the fiery liquid down his throat in two long gulps, relishing the burning in his chest.

His despair increased as Gillian reached for the tissues on the table in front of him whilst trying at all costs not to touch him or brush against him. One of the things he loved most about her was her need for physical contact, whilst not being overly demonstrative with her feelings she was always quick to rest her hand on his arm or chest, or brush her fingers over his cheek and he secretly craved those moments, savoured the brief displays of intimacy from her. The fact that at that moment it was so abhorrent for her devastated him and he bit his lower lip to hold back his own misery.

After wiping her eyes, Gillian picked up her glass and took a few delicate sips, needing a minute to collect herself. She hadn't wanted to cry, she was stronger than that; she had really wanted to scream and shout at him, play by his rules and fight back with a few verbal lashings of her own. It might be childish but it was also human. However, his brutal honesty had caught her off guard, so unexpected that it had tested her control and she'd momentarily surrendered; but the pain was still there not quite as sharp but still an aching hollowness in her chest.

Taking a deep breath she decided that if honesty was the theme for the evening, then so be it. Turning to Cal, she saw the uncertainty and expectation on his face; he was desperate for forgiveness whilst also doubtful of his justification for it.

"You really hurt me", she sighed, her voice wavering with barely restrained anguish.

His shoulders fell, and again he scrubbed his hands over his face searching in vain for any words that could adequately express his regret.

"I know love, I really do and believe me when I say I'm so sorry," he was a man of few words when it came to his feelings, and right now he cursed his inability to articulate his true conviction.

"I do believe you Cal, I know you didn't mean to be cruel but you were. Have you any idea how it feels to have your most painful vulnerability thrown in your face by somebody you trust?"

"I do actually," he replied.

Gillian immediately recognised the source of that confirmation.

"Zoe," she said, more of a statement than a question.

Cal nodded, "she did it all the time, told me I was a crap father and a lousy husband. But I was no better I suppose," he admitted. "I know it's no excuse but when I get really angry, I mean really furious it's my defence mechanism. I fall back into 'Cal the complete bastard', that's who I was before, and with Emily earlier. I just can't stop myself from bein' a complete dick!"

"Don't give me that self sacrificing crap Cal," Gillian snapped, "you're an adult, you have to take responsibility for your behaviour."

"I know love and that's why I'm still here, trying to show you how sorry I am and why I didn't just walk out the door and try to ignore this mess."

Gillian nodded, he knew he was sincere with his apology and this time she didn't back away as he leant forward and took her hand in his. Looking deep into her blue eyes he spoke from the heart.

"Gillian, I know I can be a complete pain in the arse, I take you for granted and don't always appreciate you but please believe that you and Emily are the most important people in my life and I promise I will try to never hurt you like that again, even though I can be a thoughtless git sometimes!"

Taken aback by his heartfelt declaration, Gillian disguised how touched she was by his words.

"Only sometimes?" she deflected.

Cal smiled at the diversion but didn't mention it. He stood up and finally took off his coat, deciding to give Gillian a moment to herself. He hung his coat up then walked to the bathroom taking a moment to look in on Emily on his way back, worried that the evenings events might have disturbed her, but he was relieved to see that she was still fast asleep. Returning to the living room he saw that Gillian had turned sideways on the sofa, her long legs now stretched out in front of her. Wondering if he should sit in the recliner, he decided that he needed the soothing influence of her immediate presence to reassure him. He quickly topped up his glass noticing that hers was barley touched, then as he realised she was so immersed in thought she wasn't going to move, he lifted her lower legs then sat down and lowered them back into his lap.

This felt better he thought, resting his arm across her knees as he sipped his drink, now if she would only speak to him!

"So am I forgiven?" he asked with a smirk, always one to push his luck.

"Why do I put up with you?" she asked quietly, her expression one of both sadness and affection.

Raising an eyebrow, and tilting his head endearingly he answered, "cos of my charmin' wit and rugged good looks of course!"

The tension in the room finally dissipated as Gillian laughed genuinely, unable to stop herself.

"I'll tell you why darlin'," he responded honestly this time, "cos you're a bloody angel that's why and God only knows what I did to deserve you in my life but I thank Him every bloody day that you are."

"Oh Cal," she said, reaching across to lightly stroke his arm where it lay across her knees, slightly overwhelmed by his continued honesty.

He turned his wrist to lightly grasp her hand, "I mean it Gillian, thank you for sticking by me."

At the look of complete adoration in his eyes, Gillian's resistance evaporated and she knew she was lost………..

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**Phew - that was exhausting, I think I deserve a cup of tea!**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey folks, sorry for the long delay, not abandoning the story, just work, life, Christmas, etc.**

**Anyway this chapter picks up right where the last one ended so you might need to recap.**

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**Part 8**

Cal watched Gillian's eyes widen in shock for just a micro second as she swallowed slowly. He knew he had spooked her and that thought caused him a brief moment of panic. He felt an instant change in the atmosphere around them, as though a switch had been flicked and the air was suddenly highly charged with static electricity, he could almost feel the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end. Without warning he was acutely aware of the weight of her legs on his lap, every inch of his body that was in contact with hers was suddenly hyper sensitive especially his left hand where it grasped her knee, his fingers gently curling around her lower thigh. Time seem to slow as he stared into her too blue eyes, and he was struck again by the thought that nobody should be allowed to have eyes as blue as hers, they were almost too clear and beautiful to look into as though doing so was too intimate an act. Cal's discomfort increased as he watched Gillian's pupils double in size, further fuelled by the certainty that his were the same. It wasn't that he was unused to feeling attraction and arousal for his friend and partner but rarely was it shared with her; he couldn't decide whether he was elated or terrified that in that moment it was so clearly reciprocated.

Gillian was the first to break and she wrenched her eyes from his perceptive scrutiny, she knew he wasn't trying to read her but an expert wasn't needed to recognise her current emotions. But it was too much, she felt naked and exposed to him, confused and unwilling to relinquish her fears. Just moments ago she had been furious with him, hurt and betrayed by his thoughtlessness; but with just a simple apology from him and an honest glimpse into his feelings, she was now overwhelmed by ………..what? Affection, arousal, lust, love? Bringing her glass to her lips she took several longs swallows, knowing she was seeking Dutch courage didn't stop her noticing the heat of his palm as it scorched her skin, the fabric of her jeans almost ethereal. The fingers of his hand suddenly twitched, his fingers pulsing at a particularly sensitive spot behind her knee and Gillian almost jumped at the sudden rush of arousal that flooded her veins and brought an instant blush to the overheated flesh of her face and neck.

No longer able to see her eyes, Cal misread her blush as embarrassment and immediately felt guilty. He had caused her enough torment this evening and although a part of him longed to see how this played out, the greater part of him wanted to make her feel better and end her discomfort.

Clearing his throat, he asked a question he genuinely wanted the answer to.

"So love how was Emily? Do I have some serious grovelling to do?"

Both relieved and disappointed by Cal's obvious deflection, Gillian relied on the faithful technique of denying her feelings and turned to look at him with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"I think she'll be fine Cal," she replied quietly, "she was very upset and hurt but I think I convinced her that you weren't about to abandon her."

Cal half grimaced, half smiled at her words, he thanked some higher deity that he had been graced with such a forgiving and resilient daughter. The guilt he felt still weighed heavily though, after the anguish of the last few months since the McNeil case the last thing he wanted was to have Emily pissed at him. He promised himself that he would make it up to her, whatever it took.

"Thanks love, I owe you one," he stated sincerely, "I'm glad she came here, can you imagine what would have happened if she'd gone back to Zoe's."

'Shit wrong thing to say, again', Cal thought has he watched a flicker of contempt flash across Gillian's face. The animosity of the relationship between his ex wife and his closest friend was something Cal usually tried to avoid, and with good reason if Gillian's reaction was anything to go by. Cal mused over the knowledge that Zoe seemed to provoke this response from a lot of people!

"Well I'm happy that I was able to save you from another screaming match with your ex-wife Cal," Gillian hissed angrily, "although you never seem to need rescuing from the making up part do you?"

Cal juggled briefly with his glass as it threatened to topple from his grip when Gillian jerked her legs from his lap.

Angry with himself for upsetting her yet again, Cal quickly stood up and turned to look at Gillian.

"Look I clearly have a severe case of foot in mouth syndrome tonight, I think I should just go and try again tomorrow," he said with defeat.

Looking up at him Gillian debated over her conflicting emotions. Before her stood a man who toyed with her feelings like no other, how was it possible that in such a short space of time he had caused her to feel so many different emotions that her head was spinning. She couldn't decide whether she wanted to hit him or hug him, but she knew that she didn't want him to leave, as much as for his sake as well as hers. If this wasn't resolved neither of them would sleep tonight, and sleep was already an elusive release for her. Cal looked just as exhausted as well. But why was it that just the mention of Zoe could send her from zero to ten in an instant, she was like an incendiary device when evoking Gillian's anger. Was it just the response of the person who had rebuilt the shattered remains of a usually strong and resilient man after she had left him, or was it more simple than that and she was just plain jealous?

"No Cal, don't go," she pleaded wearily, "I'm sorry for snapping at you, please stay."

Cal's answer was to reach for the scotch and top up their glasses. He sat next to her again and was relieved when she once more stretched her legs across his.

Peace reigned for a moment while they both sipped at their drinks, a slightly wary truce silently agreed. Placing her glass on the floor Gillian stretched her legs, crossing her ankles then jumping slightly as Cal grabbed her right foot.

"Bloody hell Foster your feet are freezing," he stated with a look of disapproval.

Gillian giggled, touched that he appeared concerned about something so small.

"I know," she laughed, "I started the day with slippers but kicked them off when I nearly fell of a ladder!"

"What were you doing up a ladder?" Cal asked.

"Just putting some stuff away, you know, marriage stuff, photos and things."

Cal noticed the look of sadness that had quickly replaced her previous joy and decided a distraction was in order. Putting his glass down he used both of his hands to try and rub some warmth back into her icy feet, tightening his grip as she tried to pull away.

"Cal stop it, my feet are dirty," Gillian pleaded; slightly embarrassed by the fact that she was enjoying the feeling of his warm hands on her skin far too much.

Cal's responsive was to leer at her, his eyebrows rising suggestively, "maybe I like dirty," he whispered causing Gillian to giggle again.

Cal loved that giggle and the way her blue eyes flashed when she looked at him, it was totally addictive and he wanted more. Slowing his hands, he changed his tactics and started to tickle the sensitive skin on the soles of her feet.

Her response was a definite warning, her voice dropping an octave.

"_**Cal**_."

He never could back down from a challenge though and he turned slightly using his elbow to trap her legs against him, then threw himself into the task of really torturing her. His hands and fingers were relentless in their pursuit of total surrender and he wasn't disappointed. Gillian was now laughing almost hysterically, her legs and hips twisting as she tried to break free from his vice like grip, she took a few gently swipes at him but to no avail. Then she gave up and resorted to begging.

"Cal, please stop it, you're killing me," she gasped breathlessly.

He stopped instantly, turning to look at her with an evil glint in his eyes.

"All you had to do was ask," he stated innocently.

Gillian mustered up her best glare and stared at him with mock disgust.

Cal smirked back, his eyes then fell from hers wandering lower then widening in surprise. What Gillian hadn't realised was the fact that her struggles had caused her top to ride up giving Cal an eyeful of previously hidden flesh and a certain tattoo.

"Why Doctor Foster you dark horse," he grinned, he voice laden with amusement and just a hint of excitement.

Gillian froze as the memory of her previous fantasy crashed over her, the knowledge that it was about to become a reality suddenly stole the breath from her lungs. She watched as Cal reached out his hand, his fingers whispering over the skin of her hip and blazing a trial of fire where they made contact.

Cal's eyes flew to hers as she gasped at his touch, the sudden knowledge of his actions seeming to surprise him. Gillian expected him to pull away with an embarrassed apology, but he didn't, his fingers continued their gentle caress and she watched as his pupils darkened his eyes to almost black. Both held their breath as the oxygen in the room appeared to evaporate, their gazes locked in an unspoken challenge.

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**Ha ha, how mean am I?? Sorry ;-)**

**Happy Christmas to everyone who celebrates, Happy Holidays to everyone who doesn't but has holidays, and just Happy Life to everyone else! xxx**

**p.s. reviews are a lovely Christmas present! Thanks to all who have reviewed so far xx**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: Apologies again folks, a small case of writers block but back on track now - I hope ;-)**

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Part 9

Gillian held her breath as Cal's gentle fingers continued their exploration, his eyes making a silent request for permission. But there was her quandary, should she tell him to stop, did she really want him to?

This was unchartered territory for them, their relationship had always been one of trust, friendship and respect and while Gillian was aware that Cal occasionally 'checked her out', she was also conscious of the fact that he was a passionate man and she was an attractive woman, it was completely normal but it didn't mean anything. She had convinced herself that she wasn't really his type, she wasn't flashy or dangerous and while she usually held her own in their many arguments, she wasn't exactly fiery or volatile like the women that Cal always seemed to favour. So where was this coming from? He hadn't had that much to drink had he? Surely just the sight of her tiny tattoo wasn't enough to evoke the desire that was so evident in the way he was currently looking at her; but one thing was certain, he wasn't backing down.

Gillian tore her eyes from his and glanced down, his hand was now curled around her narrow hip, his thumb slowly tracing the shape of the delicate five pointed star, his fingers applying just enough pressure to feel slightly possessive in their intent. Gillian watched as Cal caressed her bare skin, his warm fingers leaving tendrils of fire in their wake. The flood of awareness that washed over her evoked a sudden shiver and Gillian nearly groaned with embarrassment as a rather intimate part of her anatomy reacted to his touch; she was suddenly very aware of the fact that she wasn't wearing a bra.

Ironically, as though just having that thought was enough to make him look, Cal's eyes raked up her body stopping at her chest and Gillian watched as three distinct expressions flashed across his face, first a slight rise of his eyebrows, surprise; then a minute quirk of his lips, amusement and finally a further darkening of his pupils along with a sharp intake of breath, there was no mistaking that look, desire and intense arousal. Gillian almost felt like prey, trapped and unable to move by the air of expectation that pervaded the room. But as was characteristic for Cal, he gave voice to his thoughts with typical bluntness.

"Is it cold in here love?" he asked with amusement, "feels rather warm to me. I've already warmed up your feet but I'd be happy to help out with any other body parts that are feeling a bit chilly."

Gillian's eyebrows nearly disappeared into her hair at his comment and despite her acute embarrassment, she couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped her lips, only to evolve into a fit of giggles as Cal suggestively waggled his eyebrows at her.

"I'm fine thank you Cal," she replied with a smirk, "but your kind offer of help is gratefully acknowledged."

Cal looked crushed, "spoilsport," he murmured with a pout.

Again Gillian laughed; although the tension in the room had dissipated somewhat Cal had yet to move his hand.

Gillian couldn't understand his seeming fascination with the tiny star, tattoos were common place these days and this was so small it barely merited any attention at all, but still Cal fixated on it and Gillian was suddenly aware of his warm breath on her skin as he leaned forward for a closer look.

"I have to tell you Gill, this is bloody sexy," he stated, tilting his head to briefly glance up at her, then quickly looking back as though he still couldn't quite believe his eyes.

Gillian wondered whether she had just slipped into an alternate reality as Cal slowly moved closer to her, his hand sliding to her lower back and gently lifting her hip until his lips brushed against the perfect star. It was just a whisper really, barely even a kiss, until Cal flicked the tip of his tongue to taste her warm flesh.

At that point Gillian's whole body jerked as though electrocuted, "Cal," she managed to gasp, her voice strangling as all moisture deserted her throat.

"Yes love," he whispered, glancing up at her with a look of endearing boyish innocence.

"What are you doing?" she croaked.

"Well if you have to ask, I must not be doing it right," Cal grinned, moving up her body until his face was just a breath from hers and watching as slight panic flashed across her eyes.

Gillian fought against the powerful emotions that were currently warring against her common sense; at this moment desire and lust were starting to get the upper hand until she remembered a certain house guest not too far away. She was also deeply confused, what was Cal thinking? Well she knew what he was thinking, that was fairly obvious by the way his eyes kept darting from her eyes to her lips and back, pleading with her to make the next move. But why, or more importantly why now? Did the discovery of a small tattoo now put her into the same category as the women he usually hit on? Was she now daring and exciting instead of dependable and smothering? If that was true then it was ridiculous and also insulting, she wasn't some cheap conquest, here to quench his desire for self gratification. So tearing her eyes from his, she brought her hand to his chest and slowly pushed him away.

"This isn't a good idea Cal," she said, trying to ignore his look of hurt and disappointment.

Cal sat back, trying not to be annoyed at her dismissal even though he had been expecting it.

"Why not?" he asked her, even though he could think of several reasons himself.

Gillian suddenly felt like crying, and then felt pathetic for feeling that way. But for just a second she had wanted it, she'd wanted to let go and ignore all those deafening voices that screamed at her and warned her away from anything more than friendship with him. She was so sick of those voices, sick of being strong and sensible and always doing the right thing. Sick of always worrying about the consequences and what would happen tomorrow, or the day, week, month or year after that. Just once she wanted to give in to the moment, to say 'to hell with it all' and just feel good and alive and happy, even if it only lasted for a little while.

But she didn't, she couldn't, especially not with Cal. For the last year of her marriage she had hated herself for knowing that she loved her business partner more than she loved her own husband, but she hadn't acted on it and never would have. She'd made a commitment to Alec and even though she knew it was probably futile, she couldn't help but hang on to the thread of hope that they could repair the rift that had opened between them since they had lost Sophie.

But when she found out he was having an affair, she was completely devastated, hurt and betrayed to the point of physical pain. If it hadn't been for Cal and the distraction of her work, Gillian knew she wouldn't have coped. And she absolutely couldn't go through that again, she wouldn't survive this time and she highly doubted that being in a relationship with Cal would be a long term thing, not to mention his almost narcissistic need for risk and danger. Self preservation is a powerful motivator, so Gillian answered him with honesty.

"You'd break my heart," she whispered as her eyes filled with tears.

Cal flinched at her words but stubbornly refused to let go of his hope.

"How do you know?" he asked.

"Because you already have Cal, lots of times."

* * *

**Don't forget this is tagged as angst!!**

**BTW, small rant here. Over Christmas Sky 2 had a season 1 marathon and I sat and watched it from start to finish (even though I have the season 1 boxset - hey it was freezing outside!) But I noticed that in season 1, even though there was less interaction between Cal and Gillian, they seemed to 'work together' more. Gillian had more to do, in season 2 she has sometimes felt like nothing more than wallpaper! If anyone has ever watched Kelli on The Practice, you will know that she's an AWESOME actress - we need to see that in Lie to Me!!!**

**Ok, rant over - and yes I am completely besotted with Kelli Williams - hands up anyone who isn't! ;-)**


	10. Chapter 10

**Part 10**

Those words uttered from Gillian's lips were the verbal equivalent of a cold shower for Cal's libido. He knew he had been pushing his luck, or rather, pushing that damned line, but if he was honest with himself he had been waiting for an opportunity to test the waters for a while now. The tattoo had just been a catalyst, an unexpected but welcomed chance to nudge at what was unspoken between them. Everything had changed following Gillian's divorce, before then there had always been a reason not to do this and the line they had drawn between them had been necessary, but things were different now, they were both unattached. Cal had waited for what he believed was a respectful amount of time, he certainly didn't want to be insensitive and push her when she wasn't ready but he was fed up of waiting for something he had always yearned for but had never really expected to happen. He had meant it when he said she was too good for him, he knew he could be a thoughtless prick sometimes but she knew his faults better than anyone and had always stuck by him, that had to mean something? The lingering touches and loaded looks they had frequently shared recently had only added to his conviction, if he was an expert at reading people then surely he hadn't misinterpreted what he had felt in those exchanges. She wanted this as much as he did, he'd felt sure of it, yes he understood her hesitance; he just wanted to get past it!

Hearing Gillian say those words had been a painful reality check that taking their relationship further may not be as smooth as he had hoped, and he couldn't stop himself from feeling slightly defensive at what he was sure was an exaggeration on her part.

"What's that supposed to mean?" he asked, although not really sure he wanted an answer. He knew that he thoroughly pissed Gillian off sometimes, but break her heart? Surely that was a bit over the top.

Gillian sighed at his response, sometimes she found it hard to believe that Cal appeared to be so oblivious at his ability to cause her pain. He couldn't be completely clueless could he? Maybe he knew exactly what he was doing but chose to ignore it? But Gillian genuinely didn't think that Cal was capable of that level of cruelty or apathy; it just wasn't his nature to deliberately hurt her that way, so why did he do it?

"You really don't know do you?" she asked him with eyes full of sadness.

"Well I know sometimes I piss you right off and you feel like killing me, like just before," he replied, using his eyes to once more offer an apology, "and when I do really stupid things like gamble with our money or provoke someone into giving me a good hidin'."

Cal was feeling fairly uncomfortable now, it was one thing to be aware of your faults but it was something else to discuss them like this, especially with Gillian who was all too aware of his failings.

"But come on love, break your heart! That's a bit strong isn't it?"

Cal squirmed a little, currently understanding just how disconcerting it was to have somebody examine your every expression as Gillian was doing now. He couldn't help but look away as her questioning blue eyes searched his own, he wasn't sure what she was searching for and he had to fight the overwhelming desire to close himself off and deny her scrutiny. Cal hoped she found what she was looking for, he didn't want to hurt or disappoint her further but he knew he was a selfish bastard sometimes, she had reminded him that fact tonight, but most of the time he desperately wanted to protect her from anything that would cause her pain, he really wanted to ignore the fact that that would probably include himself.

He took a moment to truly look at Gillian, gone was the usual polished work persona, the killer dresses that portrayed professionalism and confidence and here she sat in a simple vest top and jeans that hugged almost like they were made for just her. Her hair was held in a messy ponytail, a few silky strands refusing to cooperate and falling softly around her face and neck, her face clear of make up and revealing the girlish freckles that were usually hidden, he was struck yet again by her natural beauty. She looked so young and pretty, and vulnerable that he felt a fierce wave of protectiveness wash over him and he never wanted to let her go.

Gillian sighed as she searched for the right words to say to Cal, she sadly realised that he truly didn't have a clue and she battled with herself about just how honest she was willing to be, she didn't want to hurt Cal but if she never confronted him about his behaviour than how could she ever expect him to understand?

"Are you sure you really want to hear this Cal, because once it's said I can't take it back?" she asked him, although she wasn't really sure that she could take another potential emotional confrontation, especially not as it was now, Gillian glanced at the clock, 12.20am.

Cal just nodded, his mouth flattening in resolution. He knew he wasn't going to like what he heard but the least he owed her was the opportunity to voice it. Leaning forward he once more refreshed their glasses, then settled back to listen, his hand again resting gently on her knee although he was now unsure as to whether the gesture was soothing or awkward for either of them, but he was comforted when she rewarded him with a reassuring smile, her compassion recognising his uncertainty.

Taking a breath Gillian looked directly into Cal's eyes, eyes that she had studied a thousand times before but never quite determined their true colour. When he was angry they were almost black, on a clear sunny day she was convinced they were as blue as the sky, but in that moment in the soft lamplight they glowed a warm hazel, although currently they were clouded by worry and self doubt.

"Ok Cal, I'm going to be honest with you but please know that what I say isn't meant to make you feel guilty or deliberately attack you……….. it's just, ……..it's just how you make me feel sometimes, …..ok?"

Gillian's unusual display of ineloquence just heightened Cal's sense of impending doom, and once more he nodded his agreement.

Drawing a shaky breath she began, "Cal, every time you tell me I'm mothering or smothering you, and every time you put yourself at risk of getting hurt…… or worse, every time you gamble with our hard built business, and Cal every time……." here Gillian stumbled, struggling to hold herself together she closed her eyes and took a deep breath, "….and every time you sleep with some drop dead gorgeous woman when you know I'll know about it, is a time when I die a little Cal. When I feel as though you don't care about how I feel, or how I feel about you, it's like….. like I don't even matter to you Cal. You make me feel insignificant, almost a burden you have to either carry or just ignore, and that's what really breaks my heart Cal. I find myself constantly second guessing your motives, whether you do it on purpose to punish me for something I don't even know I'm doing, or whether you do genuinely see me that way. Good old Gillian, great to have around to stop you from self-destructing but really just a pain in the ass who stops you from having fun."

Gillian opened her eyes but chose to focus on the glass in her hand, swirling the amber liquid round and round as it perfectly reflected her churning emotions.

"But then Cal, there are other times when you are so caring and thoughtful, so protective and reliant on me that I'm terrified that I'm going to let **you** down. And then tonight you suddenly come on to me, completely out of the blue like I'm another one of your conquests and I just don't know what to think Cal, I…. just don't know what to think anymore."

Finally meeting his eyes, Gillian was saddened but not surprised to see that the trademark Lightman mask was firmly back in place, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat, her voice now a whisper, she asked, "so tell me Cal, which is it? What am I to you?"

Gillian recognised Cal's reaction for exactly what it was, a defensive mechanism, an expertly crafted to tool to effectively block any observer from understanding what was going on in his head. But tonight she refused to give in to it, leaning forward she grabbed his chin in her hand and tried to shock him into responding. Even though he was directly facing her he wasn't really there, he was hiding, out of sight and closed down.

"Damn you Cal Lightman don't do this to me, don't shut me out, please," she pleaded, her voice rasping as she fought against tears.

"Cal, look at me, **look at me**," her face was so close to his but she could barely see him through her watery eyes. But suddenly he snapped back to her and without words he told her exactly who she was to him and she saw it clearly, his eyes told her everything she needed to know more clearly than if he had screamed it at the top of his lungs.

So overwhelming was his look of anguish, sorrow, regret, adoration, and complete and utter devotion……. to her, that she couldn't help herself and before her brain even registered her movements, she had pulled his face closer and her mouth crashed to his with the ferocity of years of pent up passion and frustration.

* * *

**Is anybody as fed up of this hiatus as I am?????**


	11. Chapter 11

**A.N: Hey everyone, thanks for all the great reviews, please keep em comin'!! **

* * *

**Part 11**

Cal knew pain he'd experienced it in many forms, physical, emotional, psychological and it always hurt to varying degrees. But listening to Gillian pour her heart out about how much he had hurt her had started a fierce ache in his soul, especially when he realised that everything she said, every single word, was completely true. She hadn't exaggerated or embellished any of it, and he was devastated. Added to that was the knowledge that he didn't even have a reasonable explanation for why he behaved that way. The one thing he did know was that he didn't intentionally mean to hurt Gillian, he would never do that , but that didn't excuse the fact that on occasion he did behave like a thoughtless, selfish conceited prick, and whilst doing that he was completely oblivious to just how deeply he was hurting her. Hearing her use the words 'I die a little' had been a knife in the gut.

Cal thought back to all the times that he had been a spectator to the pain Alec had caused her, how many times he had wanted to punch the guy right in the face, tell Gillian just how much of a dick Alec was, how he would never make her happy and how she deserved so much better than him; yet the whole time,** the whole time**, when Cal thought he was protecting her he'd actually been hurting her just as much. That really twisted the knife; he'd taken her for granted, assumed her generosity and dedication, played on her loyalty to make sure he got what he wanted.

In those moments, when he realised just how much of herself she sacrificed to continue working with him, his respect for her grew immeasurably. Not only had Gillian supported him through some of the most difficult times of his life, but she continued to stick with him through all the stupid egotistical bullshit he pulled on a regular basis.

Once more Cal was overcome with deep shame and embarrassment for his actions and once more he questioned why she continued to put up with him. He could only think of three plausible possibilities, ticking them off in his mind. At first he thought it must be her job, or rather their business but he dismissed that, Gillian's reputation would ensure her any number of offers, many of which would probably pay better and be far less stressful.

For a ridiculous moment he questioned whether she had masochistic tendencies, maybe she enjoyed the misery of bailing him out of his many scrapes with disaster got some kind of sad pleasure from it, but that was highly unlikely given her optimistic outlook on life and desire for real happiness.

So that left him with one option, one that Cal had suspected for some time but never really understood or dared hope for.

For some completely inexplicable reason Gillian Foster really loved him, more than he had ever dared wish for or probably deserved. Even if he could never quite understand why, he would be damned if he let her think that her love wasn't reciprocated, that much he could give her.

During her confession his mask had fallen unbidden to his face, an automatic reflex without conscious thought or decision, but the desperation of her frantic plea had forced him to show her, finally, just how much she really meant to him. He summoned all of his long buried emotions, all his hidden vulnerabilities and poured them into an honest display that he prayed would convey everything he needed to tell her and he begged her to get the message.

Fortunately she heard him loud and clear, but so unpredictable was her reaction that Cal's brain took a moment to catch up and realise what was happening. Gillian Foster was kissing him, **she **was kissing **him**, even in his more erotic fantasies about this moment it had rarely been Gillian who had made the first move and it had been so unexpected that even he the great unshockable, infallible Cal Lightman had been caught off guard. But he wasn't about to let the moment pass. Gillian may have been the initiator, but as of yet all she had done was press her lips to his, albeit with the desperation of needing reassurance, so Cal was totally determined to confirm everything he had tried to communicate to her.

With his free hand, he quickly slid his fingers to the back of her neck, effectively ensuring that she couldn't move away as he fumbled to put his glass down, not caring in that moment whether the contents spilled to the carpet. He then disposed of Gillian's glass, taking it from her hand and discarding it in much the same manner.

Cal pulled Gillian to him, determined to erase the air between them and he was rewarded as she moved closer to rest one hand over his heart while the other raked fingers through his hair. Responding to her silent encouragement Cal parted his lips and was finally granted access to her warm sweet mouth, and all the long restrained feelings of desire, protection, passion and frustration that he had held inside him for so long poured into this increasingly intense kiss. Gillian's hand possessively tugged at his shirt, pulling him closer as her tongue began a teasing exploration of his mouth. Cal fully expected Gillian to pull back at any second, to regain her senses and put the brakes on with an embarrassed apology, so he was shocked when she slowly climbed onto his lap, her legs straddling his as she pressed herself to his chest forcing his head up to avoid breaking contact with her precious lips.

Cal reached for Gillian's hips, clenching a fist full of her jeans and pulling her closer then tearing his lips from hers to finally have access to the tender skin of her throat, a fulfilled fantasy he had dreamed of so many times when invading her personal space. Nipping and grazing her silky flesh his arousal soared as she arched her back and tilted her head to allow him better access, a breathy moan affirming her approval. Reassured of her consent Cal slid both hands under Gillian's top to caress the smooth skin of her back as his tongue found a particularly sensitive spot below her right ear and once again he was rewarded by the sound of her ragged breathing loud in his own ears, both of her hands now clutching his hair and tugging, her nails grazing his scalp deliciously.

The quiet stillness of the air was suddenly broken by the sound of the toilet flushing, the overly loud noise of the gushing water effectively freezing the occupants of the sofa instantly, both hyper alert to any further disturbance. Within a few seconds the click of a door closing confirmed that they were not about to be caught out.

"Bloody hell, I completely forgot Emily was here," Cal gasped on a breath he'd been holding, his voice muffled by the continued press of his lips against Gillian's neck.

Loosening her vice like grip in Cal's hair suddenly realising that she was probably hurting him, Gillian replied, "me too," her voice hoarse with a combination of barely contained arousal and shock at the knowledge that Emily could have just walked into the room.

Whilst it would have been incredibly embarrassing if Emily had witnessed their current activities, Gillian was relieved to discover that her only regret was that they'd been forced to stop what had been an incredible moment. A moment that had so exceeded any expectation of her previous fantasies of finally kissing Cal that she had to desperately push away the desire that was flooding her veins and screaming for release. Instead of pulling back though Gillian forced herself to relax, wrapping her arms around Cal's neck she nuzzled into his skin and tried to satisfy herself with the knowledge that even if things couldn't go any further tonight she could at least take advantage of her current position for some serious snuggling! However, the sensation of his warm hands spread wide against the bare skin of her lower back was making it extremely difficult to catch her breath, not to mention the distraction of knowing exactly how aroused Cal was.

Cal meanwhile, was caught between being grateful that Gillian hadn't pulled away but also wishing that she would. He was so relieved that she didn't appear to be embarrassed or ashamed about what had just happened, and the tickle of her pulse jumping wildly beneath his lips was further confirmation that she was just as frustrated and aroused as he was, but still having her warm compliant body moulded against his was doing nothing to slow his own thunderous heartbeat.

"Christ Gill are you trying to kill me?" he gasped when in trying to get more comfortable she had inadvertently ground her hips against his groin, but as he felt her smile against his neck he realised she knew exactly what she was doing and decided a little revenge was in order.

Tilting his head slightly he used his teeth to gently bite and suck on her earlobe whilst at the same time grazing his fingernails across the sensitive skin in the hollow of her lower back. But his plan backfired somewhat as she suddenly stiffened in his arms and jerked forward, once more thrusting against his crotch.

Releasing a strangled yelp into her ear, Cal admitted defeat as he felt her giggling against his chest.

"Evil woman," he muttered against her ear, unable to stop himself from planting a soft kiss there.

For a few seconds silence reigned as they both enjoyed the quiet intimacy of just holding each other so close. Cal was still somewhat surprised that Gillian wasn't back pedalling and trying to rationalise what had just happened, he prayed that that wasn't the path her current thoughts were taking. Finally being able to show her how he felt, however brief, had been a glimpse into everything he wanted and needed from the only woman he believed could bring him true happiness, yes he realised the irony of that statement, and now he couldn't bear the thought of it being taken away. Almost without thought he tightened his arms around her.

But Gillian was actually thinking how right it felt to be in Cal's arms, how safe and warm and wonderful it was and how she never wanted it to end. She knew that if she started thinking too much that she'd start worrying, start telling herself that this was a bad idea so for once she didn't allow herself to worry but instead she chose to think of the last few minutes and remember the passion and desire that Cal had felt for her. The part of her that had always doubted that she was sexy or exciting enough for the infamous Cal Lightman was now completely reassured, she knew he wanted her and she loved that new certainty.

"You know I love you don't you?" Cal whispered, his voice so quiet that Gillian questioned whether she'd really heard him speak especially when she realised what he'd said. Cal was not a sentimental man, passionate, obsessive, compulsive, yes; but Gillian had only ever heard him speak those words to Emily.

The shock of his uncharacteristic admission forced Gillian to sit up and face him.

"What did you say?" she asked, watching his face for any signs of uncertainty.

Cal had expected this, he didn't expect her to believe him but he needed her to know that this moment wasn't just about sexual attraction, he'd always loved her and she deserved to know.

"I said I love you," this time he looked deeply into her eyes, falling into the azure blue and watching as they sparkled with unshed tears. "I can't remember a time when I haven't loved you, I can't promise that I'll never do something stupid and idiotic again but I promise that I'll try. Gill love, you are gorgeous, so beautiful that you take my breath away sometimes and if you're daft enough to give this a go I promise I'll try not to ever let you down again, but I probably will. You know me darlin' I can't help myself, but I do love you, don't ever forget that will you?"

Momentarily unable to speak, Gillian shook her head the motion of which caused several tears to spill over her cheeks. Cal gently caressed her face, wiping away her tears with his thumbs and smiling at her stunned expression.

Leaning forward they shared a tender kiss, this time unhurried but no less passionate.

"I love you too Cal," Gillian shared, watching as a rare and genuine smile of joy lit his face.

* * *

**One more to go me thinks!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Part 12**

Gillian drifted slowly from slumber the following morning and awoke to the tantalising aroma of fresh coffee.

Her mind immediately replayed the events of the previous evening and she was unable to hold back the coy smile that brought a slight blush to her face or the warm glow that spread through her whole body. Not that she wanted to stop feeling that way, last night had been amazing and she was still having trouble believing that it had actually happened even if her dreams had been more than erotic enough to remind her. With the memory of a particularly vivid one that included her, Cal, his desk and some chocolate body paint, she broke into a fit of giggles and made a mental note to make sure that that dream became a reality some time in the near future.

Leaving Cal to sleep on the sofa last night had been a test of self control and denial for both of them. Gillian had desperately wanted to invite Cal to her bed and refreshingly she didn't feel any guilt or shame about it. It wasn't as though Cal was some guy she had just met in a bar and then invited back to her place. They'd known each other for so long, and she'd imagined the moment so many times that it wasn't as though she'd be jumping into something head first without thinking it through. But they'd both agreed that the first time they made love was not going to be with Emily in the next room, definitely not! Gillian did contemplate asking Cal to just 'sleep' with her, she loved the idea of lying in his arms all night, skin to skin, breath mingling…but that was a very bad idea as just the thought of it quickened her pulse and caught her breath, she very much doubted that either of them would have slept very much!

So with a hint of sadness, she'd left a very warm and ruffled Cal with a blanket and a pillow and forced herself to bed. The memory of his pleading eyes and persistent kisses as she'd pulled away from him just added to the anticipation of seeing him this morning. Climbing into bed Gillian had been worried that she would wake this morning full of uncertainty and regret, determined to write last night off as a moment of madness. However, that wasn't how she felt at all, although she knew that Cal was unlikely to change all aspects of his behaviour, he wouldn't be Cal if he did, she realised that he was the man she had fallen in love with and if he suddenly changed he just wouldn't be that man anymore. She did trust his fidelity though, at least she hoped she did, Cal could be fiercely loyal and had a strong sense of honour… but what if she wasn't what he really wanted. She was nothing like Zoe and Cal had loved her passionately; Gillian was sure he still did on some level.

Now her doubts and insecurities returned, what if **he **felt differently this morning, what if it had all been a heat of the moment thing brought on by an emotional confrontation, strong alcohol and a little harmless flirting? What if he was regretting it now, thinking of a way to let her down gently whilst still maintaining their working relationship?

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, maybe she had been right to be cautious, maybe Cal would just break her heart all over again?

Feeling unsure and slightly anxious, Gillian quietly headed for the bathroom and brushed her teeth then pulled a brush through her hair. Looking at her reflection as it stared back, she again worried that she wasn't dangerous enough for Cal. She wore a pair of hip hugging pyjama pants and a small vest top, not exactly a see through teddy; hardly sexy or provocative. And her girlish freckles just added to the sense of innocence and virtue she portrayed. Not Cal's idea of 'roulette'! Maybe she should go and get a really sexy tattoo, something much more daring than the tiny star on her hip? Maybe that would work?

Grabbing her robe from the back of the door, Gillian tied it tightly around her waist with a knot if pure frustration and then slowly headed for the kitchen becoming aware of the sound of hushed voices and quiet music. Unseen she peeped around the door; the sight that greeted her was so comical and heart warming that she had to stop herself from giggling.

Cal was standing at the stove in his shirt and boxers, stirring a pan of scrambled eggs and singing along to, Gillian couldn't believe it but Cal was singing to _Lady GaGa! _And he even knew the words! Standing next to him, buttering a piece of toast and still wearing Gill's overly large t-shirt covering the tops of her teenage skinny legs, Emily was swaying to the music and singing along too.

"Bet you could read her Poker Face couldn't you dad?" she asked with a grin.

"Too right," he replied, winking at her then swearing as he slopped eggs over the side of the pan.

"Oops, sorry love, slip of the tongue!"

Emily rolled her eyes at his apology.

"Right dad, like I've never heard worse than that before."

Gillian was relieved to note the relaxed atmosphere in the room, clearly their argument was resolved and neither appeared to be holding a grudge, but then watching them she couldn't help feeling like an intruder. How was she ever supposed to fit into this charming picture? Gillian knew she was being insecure and childish but they were so close and so comfortable with each other that she almost felt obliged to turn and leave them alone.

Just as she was having those thoughts Emily looked her way and let out a squeal.

"Gill, you're up," she cried, immediately running to her and pulling her into an enormous hug.

Surprised and delighted by her enthusiastic greeting Gillian hugged Emily back, looking over her shoulder at Cal who was watching them both with such a look of love and happiness that all her fears were immediately erased.

"I'm so happy," Emily sang in her ear, jigging up and down with barely restrained excitement.

Cal sauntered over and tapped Emily on her shoulder.

"Oy, my turn!" he leered with a grin.

Emily let go of Gillian and returned to the stove, "I can't believe you're together at last, took you long enough though," she stated with an exaggerated sigh of exasperation.

"Mind your own business and stir those eggs," Cal responded, then turned to Gillian and gently pulled her to him.

Burying his face in her hair he whispered, "Morning love, missed you last night."

Feeling suddenly tearful for an absurd moment Gillian closed her eyes and fiercely returned his embrace, overwhelmed by the surge of emotion that flooded through her.

Inhaling his familiar and reassuring scent, she replied, "I was only in the next room Cal."

"I always miss you when you're not right next to me Gill," Cal breathed against her neck.

Unable to speak Gillian swallowed back the lump in her throat and turned to press a quick kiss to his cheek.

The moment was broken my Emily's noisy declaration that breakfast was ready.

Taking her hand Cal led Gillian to the table and pulled out a chair as Emily placed a steaming plate in front of her.

Breakfast passed quickly as all three engaged in a familiar debate about the virtues of a full English breakfast, Cal arguing that it was the best way to start the day and Emily and Gillian ganging up on him by stating that it was a ticking time bomb of cholesterol that nobody could eat regularly and stay healthy.

"Bloody women," he grumbled, "this is a conspiracy this is, gonna have to keep you two apart if you keep this up."

Sharing a victorious smirk with Emily at Cal's defeat, Gillian stood and started to clear away the dishes as Emily then went to get dressed. Gillian contemplated both the unfamiliarity and normalcy of the morning, Cal had clearly told Emily something about last night and the change in their relationship, and Emily was obviously more than happy about that judging by her current excitement. Cal wouldn't have done that unless he was sure that he was doing the right thing, he wouldn't want to disappoint Emily if he screwed things up between them. So there she had it, an instant family, not that she ever wanted to replace Zoe, or ever could. But breakfast had been wonderful, a glimpse into a future she desperately wanted that now stood a chance of becoming reality.

Watching Gillian for a moment, Cal stood and walked over to her as she bent to open the dishwasher.

Grabbing her hips and turning her to face him, Gillian noted the fierce need that flared in his eyes, dilating his pupils to almost black and causing an instant fluttering of excitement low in her belly.

Cal tugged at the tie of her robe, pulling the knot loose then sliding his hands across her waist and under her top as it fell open.

"Hey darlin' you look gorgeous in the morning you know, far too temptin'," he murmured into her ear, his teeth and tongue then latching onto a highly sensitive spot he had mapped on her neck the night before, his arms tightening around her and crushing her to him.

Taken aback by his bold move Gillian was startled by her instant response to his closeness as a bolt of pure desire pulsed through her entire body, especially when Cal pushed her back against the counter, his thigh hard between her legs, the friction caused by his movement sending her arousal through the stratosphere.

Damn him for being such a quick study, already he'd learned what drove her crazy, where to touch, lick, taste, bite, even after a quick groping session on the sofa, and she was helpless to stop the breathy moan that escaped her lips, her hands developing a life of their own and grabbing his ass to pull him closer. Cal practically growled in response suddenly jerking her away from the counter, his hands dipped below the waistband of her pyjamas and explored as much skin as he could whilst attempting to stay somewhat within the realms of decency. Desperately his lips sought hers, his mouth devouring her, teeth and tongues clashing and fighting for dominance as Cal once again pushed her backwards, her back impacting hard with the wall and a vague awareness of her head hitting plaster caused a brief flare of pain which only served to further fuel the fire scorching her veins.

But the snap of Gillian's head smacking against the plaster quickly brought Cal to his senses, his mouth and hands stopping their exploration and his brain catching up as the sudden image of his daughter walking into what could easily become an x rated scene flashed through his mind.

Groaning with frustration, Cal pulled Gillian into a tight hug, his forehead resting against hers as they caught their breath.

"Sorry about that love, how's your head?" he grinned with a knowing glint in his eye.

"I'll survive the bump on the head Cal, but other parts of my body need some serious attention and soon," she replied with a suggestive smirk.

Typical brash confidence was his response, "oh yeah? I know just the cure for your ailment Foster!"

Scowling at his cocky manner Gillian decided he needed teaching a lesson in equality.

Sliding her hands to his face she pulled him closer then sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. Using her teeth she bit down slightly, effectively pinning him in place, then with the tip of her tongue she lapped at his flesh, slowly at first then quickening her pace as her hands moved to grasp his hair, her fingers tightening to cause a hint of pain. Biting just a little bit harder on his lip, she then sucked again, gliding her hands from his hair over his shoulders then down across his chest and gently pushing him away but taking the time to use her nails to rake over his nipples as she did, Cal grunting as his body jerked. Gillian then surrendered her hold on his lip with a soft pop.

Cal's response was priceless. He stumbled back slightly, staring at her with eyes the size of saucers, an expression of completely dazed bewilderment on his face.

Lesson learned, Gillian thought with a smug sense of pride. Summoning up her most seductive pose she pushed away from the wall and purposely brushed her body past him making sure to initiate as much contact as possible then turning to swat him soundly on the ass before he recovered.

A few seconds later, Cal's face broke into a huge grin and he spun on his heel to follow her only to be met with the smirking face of his daughter.

"What are you smirking at?" he asked indignantly.

"Duh, I was smirking at you dad cos you're wearing the exact same grin that I just saw on Gill's face," she giggled.

Knowing this was another battle he couldn't win, Cal didn't even try.

**************

Twenty minutes later Cal and Emily were ready to leave.

"So dad and I are cooking a roast dinner today, roast beef with all the trimmings, right dad?" Emily asked, her eyes brimming with excitement.

"Yep, Yorkshire puds the lot, I'll come back and pick you up at two Gill?" Cal asked.

"Sounds fantastic, I can't wait," Gillian replied, looking forward to spending the afternoon with her two favourite people.

"Right well, you go out to the car and give me a sec hey Em?" Cal asked aiming for nonchalance.

"Sure dad," Emily responded knowingly, "whatever."

Gillian and Emily shared a huge hug, Emily kissing Gill on the cheek as she pulled away.

"Nice hickey," she commented with a snort, before turning and bolting out of the door.

Dashing to the mirror, Gillian examined her neck and blushed at the small but distinctive mottling below her ear.

"Cal Lightman I'm going to kill you," she glared at him, although the affection and amusement in her eyes took the sting out of her words.

"Not my fault love," he replied innocently, "I can't help it if you turn me into a horny teenager."

Forgiving him immediately Gillian joined him at the doorway where he pulled her into his arms, once more nuzzling her neck.

Deciding that she could live with a little more concealer, Gillian relaxed into his embrace and enjoyed the peace she felt in his arms.

"So dinner with me and Em then the evening to ourselves ey?" Cal asked quietly, not wanting to make assumptions but desperate to be alone with Gillian, finally.

Knowing that Emily always went back to Zoe's place on Sunday evenings Gillian nodded against his shoulder, feeling the tingle of anticipation spread through her body.

"You'd better go, Emily's waiting," Gillian reminded him.

Pulling out of her arms Cal mused over the ridiculous notion of missing her even though he would be back in just a few short hours.

"Yeah, I'll see you later then love," he smiled, bending to brush a soft kiss across her lips.

"See you later Cal."

Waiting as he opened the door and stepped out, Gillian's heart melted as he turned and looked deeply into her eyes.

"By the way love, I just wanted you to know, you and me, that's truth **and **happiness. You've made me the happiest man in the world, and that's the absolute truth."

With that he swaggered off towards the car, Gillian closed the door, leaning against it with a contented smile. Then after a few moments of quiet joy, she dashed off to get ready for her brand new day, and brand new life.

**The end.**

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**A/N: That's all folks! Hope you enjoyed the ride?**

**Thanks again to EVERYONE who has reviewed this story and stuck with it, especially my faithful reviewers - please don't stop now ;-)**

**Also a note to all you lurkers out there - I know you're there - PLEASE drop me a review and let me know your thoughts. I have a little plot bunny for a new story jumping round my head, but it needs some serious fleshing out before I even attempt it, so I need suitably motivating!**

**Let's KEEP THE FAITH everyone, LTM MUST CONTINUE, especially if we're ever to see a totally hot Callian snog!!!**

**Meemster xxx**


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